Marilyn Monroe

Lovely!

Random babbles

there's a lock box inside you and you get to chose if any/all the real shit really gets used. Reluctantcies redily rely on reuse. confuse yourself into playing on your own facking. Are those miracles or just music your making. I beg that one day this disillusion disappears. not knowing the nussence with blessed beers and mirrors. what if they take it unclear? For sake it. undear. My, what can I say to make this life endeared? To not live in fear of the forcoming future. 

single (liners and/or thoughts.... that most likely rhyme)

single person ruined but blame is on everyone else. Your the ticket holeder and self pitty out sells. dig your own grave even if another is told to hold the shovel. Life is an elevator; you set your level. a push, it enables the pull of the cable.  

If i could write ryhmes to to keep my mind @ bay, i would say it all now to get it out of the way.

You:yourself; me: alone

myself no one to have shown

Day dreaming of day drinking

Latin class lingers in that after class clash of language. Unfortunate; Left unengaged in my unitellegent everyday. Most wont bost to known that "male" means badly. A pun made flattly. Ever encounter a thesaurus, which i used to call thesis? what i mean is just this: the associations are ceaselessly endless.

Bullshit Called

I'm pushed over until I put out
can't get up the guts to say "get out"
decided I'm done digging out
that fictional friend thought I knew
from underneath your freak filled screws

When our lips met I'd regret
as mental headlights met my mind
Suddenly searching for a not so suddle side line
{salvasion from this sight I never find}
look anywhere but into evasive eyes
you know what and why disguised; you buy time in your despise

Self persuased toward a psuedo-stability
but lying to yourself won't purvey the possiblity
possibly thyis was provided by my own insecurity...
more likely I lied for you lust-sicken personailty
you say: my minifestation in hesitation I think it's years of self denying
so read between my lies & start believing your own eyes
take bake those self loathing sulk-loaded replies
that kept me inept swept under your thumb
If this never started I should have to announce I'm done
I guess I'll press on, unimpressed, where I begun

button

geek numbero uno

YEAH GEEKINESS


yolinux.com
coolnerds.com
htmlgoodies.com
ender-design.com   (boo would love this one!!!!)
http://inpics.net/htmlcss.html
 

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Just copy and paste it in to your address bar javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("a"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);

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http://metalab.unc.edu/team/intro/words/lingo.html

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http://www.hotwired.com/webmonkey/design/

sibyl vane

"If this girl can give a soul to those who have lived without one, if she can create the sense of beauty in people whose lives have been sordid and ugly, if she can strip them of their selfishness and lend them tears for sorrows that are not their own, she is worthy of all your adoration, worthy of the adoration of the world. This marriage is quite right. I did not think so at first, but I admit it now. The gods made Sibyl Vane for you. Without her you are incomplete."
- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray Ch. 7

• ibyl Vane – a talented and beautiful, but poor, actress and singer, with whom Dorian falls in love. Her love for him ruins her acting ability, as she no longer finds pleasure in portraying fictional love when she is experiencing love in reality. She commits suicide after learning that Dorian no longer loves her. Lord Henry likens her to Ophelia.

the most interesting picture i found of her.... 

and i didn't know there was a movie from 2009.... 

Miss Representation!!!

This is the most exciting documentary in a long old while

Grassy land by the sea...

So last night (to my surprise) i dint get too drunk or disorderly. I didn't make out with anyone random. I went to bed early and had the oddest dream. I dreamt of a very grassy island and like so many of my dreams my brother and sister where there to shadow me. First i went to someone's house, who apologized for not being there as much as he'd like to be but he told me to keep waiting for him ( this was the most straight forward point to the dream) then... oh yeah fireworks in the day time with my friends friend chris. He didn't like the fireworks much but then i brought him to a barber and he liked getting his hair cut. The last part of my dream basically told me "you're not listening to yourself"... I'm not willing to share how but I know what I'm doing right now feels very wrong.

Somewhat silly today

Katita... a silly spanglish senorita. finding her a freaker by the speaker. Confused? well wait till you meet her. It's amusing how confusing this kat really gets. Thats assuming your trying to them puzzle peices fit!

YOUR GAME, YOUR RULES

Your game, your rules. Ain't my ruling to be doing any dueling. How am i to describe a game i don't know the rules too? Are you gonna keep me benched or put me on the floor, fool? It's this round is between no one but you and you. What am I to do? Wait... watch... effortlessly? While you go around confessing and they'll go on just guessing I made a clingy mess of things? Please could you put reluctances's to rest. You guided me to rhyme and reason, that at best 


i so want to share the changing on the seasons, as in what you "sees in" me. Never was i meant for your team yet, your training was still straining on the hobby turned to habit. Found a habit of just rapping. Stringing these lines are fine: time passin... but at the pace I'll fly by laughing. close to that stage it ain't enough. Cuz it is the closest I've came to finding love. In the words, in the lines, in the notes, in the chords... every sound you make:  my salvation is restored.


Funny what still gets to me/ is that your the epitome/ of anything i aspire to be. From this face painted mirror/ I wish I wouldn't feel that fear of a superficial superior. It's okay It should just be ignored.forlorn! 


I don't mean to be mean but it seemed as my means where your one excuse to keep me off the team. 
So now i got to choose between calling a truce or in waiting for what's left of me to prove.


Does it bring you pain or perhaps pleasure, that in my brain I've taken every measure
to not be not even mildly excited. I tried desperately to hide it. But why and try to deny if you all have me so distinctly defined? 
Maybe when you find your wealth and you find a well track, you might take a moment to fondly look back on me merely just a memory. really looking to be redemptory. In compassion did she lack? No, just common sense. hence lesson that I'm retesting of the games that I'm messing in. 


New to the rules? Well, the players are your weapons. In this game of rap it's not your call, your just the ball and it's up to your friend and your fans to make that call on whether or not you'll reach your goal. I guess, when the ball was in my court i came up a bit too short. Carelessly despite my agility I let it slip from me. But I'm not selfish see. I'll stand where i am with my hand hiding the sun ray. Pleased to be passed as I see everyone else play. I'm sold and I'm set willing to wage a bet; that one of these days ball will find that net.

Not Buy-in nor Sell-out

This is the most terrifying thing i have ever written none the less shared.... 

Also, i hate having to push/publish these things... 

they are the most personal bits of rubbish i "own" 

but if not here i will only loose them...

Not Buy-in nor Not Sell-out

I'm kindly cold hearted, Is that how all this started? Where were innocence and I parted?

Dimly aware of my own distant air. My anti-social Affairs are w/ absolutely no one.

pre-preparing all my fun, I'm afraid of what makes me young.

From the world, I'm still hiding all I've done. 

7 years old: yet he still stole my sole and so very much of my sanity. Vaguely maybe might have added to my vanity. YES! A desk! That is me @ my best. With a pen I joke and I jest. I'm but merely blest all while I poke fun @ my feeling due to his awful dealings. 

Between these lines in my mind i find a time... where Mother's little Candid Concubine

Was wired entirely and evilly entwined. My entirety never had he much defined.

but my best, my beauty, I boast He never could buy in. You may never buy-in. 
Cuz I'm not buyin it!

Now when I kiss boys my heads makes this small noise. Jerks me back, beginning at my nose. For a reason no one really knows. I try and deny when my shy shows. But below it grows eventually explodes when pried by their trying eyes. I feel the judgement thru there lies. 

They'll never be content with my contradiction. Made up of friction and a fictional depiction of a "Dad's" illegitimate un-defined reflection. That might be why inside the mirror i fear the unclear. It's never shows what I hold dear. notice how it's never in the near. 

Between these lines in my mind i find a time... where Mother's little Candid Concubine

Was wired entirely and evilly entwined. My entirety never had he much defined.

but my best, my beauty, I boast He never could buy in. You may never buy-in. 

Cuz I'm not buyin it!

If I was well (and well I'm not) would I be eager to sell all that I got. He once brought us/bought us heaven. Yet, I'd never want to wish him hell (in fact I wish well). There's still no way to tell of the silent cells I dwell. No dollar amount can amount to how much I'm bound to- It affects me still those moments around you.

You once seized me but that's no more. I awake askew tangled about on the floor. Now my body it substitutes for the lack of your abuse. Now I don't get to choose.   A nearly new voice is in use as a disabuse for all that you have put me thru. Fostered in Hospital suits, scrutinized by strangers all in white suits. My diagnosis is a mind's mute and a bliss to the blinding of my life's truth

An Unseen Thing

a can-be rapper like a candy wrapper only holds the goodness inside 
but if this can be rapper could just unleash herself 
she'd just simply set her differences a side 
yet i don't know as much as i'd might like but if i go on forever I'll just hide
I got a lot to share, some scars to bare and to stop before start just isn't fair 
I feel it's not near nor far but to catch a star seems something to fall in between 


It's an Unseen thing It's what you bring and what they take 
make no mistake even if your fake each of you holds a small part of me 
holding on to what i see It's hard to find your hearts degree in the full scheme of things 


I can be contained: a nut in a shell
You'd rather break me out eat me up: YOU MIGHT AS WELL!
can't be picked up unless you've fell and I'd rather point to heaven while standing next to hell
You've had enough lecturing, wanna wake u up: a school bell 
If i could touch just one soul you could tell 

It's an Unseen thing It's what you bring and what they take 

make no mistake even if your fake each of you holds a small part of me 

holding on to what i see It's hard to find your hearts degree in the full scheme of things

I've been alone with these words for way too long and all i want is someone to smile at my song 

or maybe you might just sing along This can't be wrong....

IT CAN'T BE if i'm trying this hard but briefly my life seems bared 

gypsies dont do well behind stone walls but that freedom alone for me it calls....

It's an Unseen thing It's what you bring and what they take 

make no mistake even if your fake each of you holds a small part of me 

holding on to what i see It's hard to find your hearts degree in the full scheme of things

I wish there were haters for me to love because they bring opinions of I well thought of 

I guess i get nothing and all i need is a shove 

to get me from way down here to somewhere up above Someday ill be soaring singing like a dove 

What do i got to prove I'm being me  When I got so much of a history so just google it

It ain't no mystery: Buckingham case/Pocono Record. Press: it must be adore or more abhored

I made my choice and had no voice for close to 6 years 

i lived in inflicted fears and shed many thick tears

slammed many fix-it beers

Now somehow i wanna scream it out not just blurt it out but what it's all about 
not like it was done before 

close a window, open a door 
onto a new cold floor and maybe make this space just a bit more

It's an Unseen thing It's what you bring and what they take 

make no mistake even if your fake each of you holds a small part of me 

holding on to what i see It's hard to find your hearts degree in the full scheme of things

My "annual" Crazzzzy

About a year {and two weeks} ago this blog started to become this jumbled us ball of gibberish. My hair suddenly was pink and i made a quick jump in on a loony bin before being shipped off to arivaca. 

It is that time of year again when my hair turns pink... The wrong pink but whatever i can deal (Stupid L'oreal stopped making the pink I like). Although i don't think this time it  comes with craziness... although my spaziness is always here!!!  


Although I did quite drinking about 4 days ago... and got pasta to be my ramen alternate!! no MSG no RED40 not too much stress,,,, lets see wether or not i can force my body (thru kindness) into submission!!! 

easy

I'm taking it easy for a bit. I have no energy and yesterday seemed liked the longest day ever.